In some way I’d like to muster some energy for this special day, but your consistent disappointments have burnt me out.
I want to be able to write an amazing card on how much I value our friendship and for it to detail all our personal jokes and it to be the greatest read ever.
However I know it’s absence won’t be missed, as I have not been and a present would not even begin to repair what you’ve so carefully destructed.
Plus you have all those shiny new friends and their presents to push you along.
Replying “drink in!” followed by a hearty laugh when asked to eat in or take away, no matter how many times, does not make you a witty person and is NOT funny.
Also, if you are going to ask for a stamp on your coffee card, you do not need to do so in a patronising tone. Having a coffee card does not make you a champion, you fucking coffee snob.
Joke is on you, I am not giving you decaf.